6/10/14 Tuesday June 10, 2014 (warmups, long walk)

7:15am - Pain Free neck, hip, shoulder exercises - 30 minutes

7:45am - break

9:00am - Pain Free neck, hip, shoulder exercises - 30 minutes

9:30am - Kettlebell warm up

1/2K halos - 8kg, 4X each side / each leg (total 16X)
1/2K halos - 12kg, 4X each side / each leg (total 16X)

16kg Roll to press (TGU start) - shoulder cam shafts, each arm

Arm bar 12 kg, 2+2

16 kg TGU to knee, 1/1, x 3

9:50am - Complete

7:30pm - 8:30pm - brisk walk around Greenlake (3 1/2 miles)

Notes - Another day in the books, just a tad better than the one before.  Felt fatigue in the arms in the morning, that was interesting, a different feeling than before, particularly in the R tricep. This is the result of everything moving around I am sure.  There have been some body compensations going on for a long time and I think this is going to be the painful process of working it out of my system.  It could take some time.  With that said I felt pretty good by the end of the KB warm up and did 3 singles each side to the knee with TGUs, using a 16kg bell.  I am noticing that my arm bars are the best they have ever been - by far.  Overhead position is the most open it has been in possibly well, ever.  So small details that are positive - that's a good thing.

I ended the day with an acupuncture visit with Dave Engstrom in the afternoon, a little work, and then a brisk walk around Greenlake.  I was definitely feeling it in the shoulder, elbow and forearm during the walk.  This has been happening with the upright posture - that is when it is hardest, sitting down or sitting up / standing.  With that said I know moving and getting the blood flowing is a good thing and I will not deprive my body of that movement.  I took an Epson salt bath when I got home with dinner, and that felt great.  Tomorrow is another day to see how this is going.

6/9/14 Monday June 9, 2014 (warmups, long walk)

8:00am - Pain Free neck, hip, shoulder exercises - 60 minutes

9:00am - Kettlebell warm up

1/2K halos - 8kg, 4X each side / each leg (total 16X)
1/2K halos - 12kg, 4X each side / each leg (total 16X)

16kg Roll to press (TGU start) - shoulder cam shafts, each arm

Arm bar 12 kg, 2+2

12 kg TGU roll to elbow, 5/5

9:20am - Complete

11am - noon - brisk walk around Greenlake (3 1/2 miles)

Notes - This was a good day.  I felt just a little bit better in the morning, slept in, which I need.  Felt good enough to do some light TGUs, just roll to elbow, that was very encouraging for me.  Had a chiropractic appt at 10am, told my chiro what was going on, it was very helpful to just talk man to man with someone that I trust.  He checked me out, had some very good adjustments, but in general from a chiro perspective I am checking out, nothing major, just need to reset the wiring.  He tested my right arm, did some various muscle tests, again, nothing major.  Confirms what I have been feeling is that this is a major stress response and I need to take steps to address it, which I am doing I believe.  Given my penchant for wanting to keep moving through this, I took a brisk walk in the grass around Greenlake, felt good actually, didn't even put my headphones in and just listened to the sounds of the morning. It got hot at the end, felt great.  I will try to walk at Greenlake every day for awhile, I think this is therapeutic for me.  I cancelled my work trips to Spokane and LA this week, cancelled my trip to Atlanta for a leadership conference next week that was a big deal for me to be asked to attend.  Doesn't matter - it is not the right time.  I have to focus on my health.  Told my partner what is going on, he is very supportive, having been through divorce himself 10 years ago.  What a club, never thought I would be in this one, but I am / will be soon enough.  Made dinner for my kids, was able to play with them more today, body is just feeling better, if only incrementally.  One foot in front of the other is what is going to get me through this, and I will keep moving.

6/8/14 Sunday June 8, 2014 (Pain Free exercises, long walk)

I talked to Jill today after dropping the kids off at her place and told her all of this shit that was going on and said, enough is enough, call Anne the mediator, let's make an appt, and let's get on with this.  She agreed.  I cried a bit on the way home, because this is very sad for me, I am really still working through this despite 16 months of separation and before that about 4 months from when Jill first told me of her unhappiness.  So going on 20 months and I am still working through all of this. Then I took a walk around Greenlake, came home, took an Epson salt bath, cried some more, felt a lot better, did some of the Pain Free exercises that are helping me, and went to bed.  One day at a time.

6/6/14 Friday June 6, 2014 (Pain Free exercises, KB warm up)

7:45am - Pain Free neck, hip, shoulder exercises - 60 minutes

8:45am - Kettlebell warm up

1/2K halos - 8kg, 4X each side / each leg (total 16X)
1/2K halos - 12kg, 4X each side / each leg (total 16X)

16kg Roll to press (TGU start) - shoulder cam shafts, each arm

Arm bar 12 kg, 2+2 (this is the main thing I ended up doing)

9:00am - Complete

Notes - Writing this on Sunday the 8th.  Epson salt bath the night before, Pain Free exercises after getting back from Spokane was fortunate. Flying and sitting are absolutely brutal right now, just brutal.  Did more Pain Free this morning, body seems to respond to it.  Had an appt with Dave my acupuncturist, body work specialist at 10am this morning.  Most important thing that came out of that was the frank discussion we had at the beginning of the session about some of my musings on how I got here.  Working hard, travel, poor stress management, sleep habits, etc.  He kind of shook me up though because he said "Chris, what are running from?" I had to look at him and I knew exactly what he was talking about.  I have been running away from doing the things I have to do so that Jill can divorce me, which is what she said she wanted nearly a year ago, last July.  The only tangible and concrete thing I have done is get the house refinanced to take her name off of it, which I did in March this year.  I spent some time awhile ago going through some financial stuff that our mediator gave us, but I have not sat down and penciled out a budget and simply presented a number to Jill that says 'this is what I can afford, let's agree and move on'.  I keep finding other things to occupy my time.  I talked to my mom on Friday night and realized this really is the root cause of everything for me, and my body finally just said "enough - it's time to do this" and got my attention in a major way.  So it is time.  

6/5/14 Thursday June 5, 2014 (OS, PM, KB warmup)

6:45am - Original Strength and Primal Move - 30 minutes 

7:15am - Kettlebell warm up

1/2K halos - 8kg, 4X each side / each leg (total 16X)

1/2K halos - 12kg, 4X each side / each leg (total 16X)

16kg Roll to press (TGU start) - shoulder cam shafts, each arm

Arm bar 12 kg, 2+2 

7:30am - Complete

Notes - I am writing this now on Sunday the 8th.  It has been a tough stretch here for sure.  I will include notes for each on the day.  For this one, I felt pretty bad this morning, and one thing I realized in hindsight is that I had overdone the work on the lacrosse ball - basically too much self-massage, and I think I hurt the tissue in my trap that has been hurting me as a result.  Too much of a good thing.  I realized that I have become too self-reliant on the foam roller and lacrosse ball at times and that I would be much better spent focusing time on movement exercises such as those from Pain Free, by Pete Egoscue.  

http://www.amazon.com/Pain-Free-Revolutionary-Stopping-Chronic/dp/0553379887/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1402286942&sr=8-1&keywords=pain+free+pete

Thursday evening I started doing several of the neck, hip and shoulder exercises from this book on recommendation of my acupuncturist, Dave Engstrom.  Dave is a really smart guy.  I started realizing that I had lost bilateral symmetry in various parts my body and had built all of the strength the last several months on a foundation that needed more attention to details.  Principally I think the old injury from years ago falling on my left shoulder a couple of times, which has been strengthened incredibly by KBs, needs focused attention all the time to ensure that I have proper mechanics and posture, ROM etc. in that shoulder.  I believe it has not been the case, in fact in my notes I mentioned for several weeks that my L OH ROM was not what it needed to be.  A chiro adjustment last week seemed to "fix" that I thought but I think what occurred over time is that my R lat/shoulder etc. was burdened by the poor ROM on the L side, probably pulled my R hip and lat around as well, and I suspect put strain on my R bicep, tricep, etc.  Damn it why do I have to realize this stuff in hindsight?  Anyway, on to the next post, more there.

6/4/14 Wednesday June 4, 2014 (OS, PM, KB warmup)

8:00am - Original Strength and Primal Move - 60 minutes (foam roll, lacrosse ball trigger point work)

9:00 am - Kettlebell warm up

1/2K halos - 8kg, 4X each side / each leg (total 16X)
1/2K halos - 12kg, 4X each side / each leg (total 16X)

16kg Roll to press (TGU start) - shoulder cam shafts, each arm

Arm bar 8 kg, 5+5 (this is the main thing I ended up doing)

9:15am - Complete

Notes -  So I woke up and was really, really feeling the effects of the last several days and week.  Very sore, some pain, very stiff.  I had a deep body massage yesterday evening around 6pm, and a lot of shit came out in that session - lots of spasm in the R trap, R scalene and neck tightness, lots of reverberating stuff down the tricep, elbow, bicep, forearm on the R arm  This is tough stuff.  Played in a softball game last night and played first base, making zero throws, basically just restricted myself to doing the bare minimum outside taking my hacks in 5 at bats.  I don't think playing in the game really had much impact on anything at all.  I tried to get moving this morning a little bit but ultimately just felt like doing anything beyond mobility work just would not make sense.  I then had a chiro check in this morning and ultimately my chiro indicated that everything looked good to him from a chiro perspective, no major adjustments needed, no significant tightness in terms of the spine, etc.  The soft tissue challenges he said are just part of the healing process and this was pretty normal.  He recommended epson salts and that I take a long bath with those, same recommendation actually came from my massage therapist yesterday. So I struggled through the day and finally got home and took that bath.  It definitely seemed to help.  While taking that bath I pondered my situation and took some time to truly reflect on the circumstances of the situation and asked and then answered to myself: "So how did I get here - because it's not from playing in a softball game last week - there is something deeper here."  After reflecting on the last several months and thinking about how I have been managing various aspects of my life, it really dawned on me that I need to be accountable to several choices I make.  These choices have negatively impacted my ability to recover from training and just to manage daily life to my maximum capability.  Primarily, I have been in the poor habit for months of not managing my time in the evenings and going to bed very late, really almost never before midnight.  My alarm is set for 5am, I am never able to rise before 6am because I need at least 6 hrs of sleep.  The sleep gets interrupted, its not quality, and then I start my morning behind and do everything all over again - always getting in my training, but always behind.  Things did not used to be this way.  Since Jill and I separated in February 2013, my life has definitely been even more complicated.  Having the kids every other day, half the week and sharing them with Jill is a challenge.  I am thankful for my blessings and Frankie and Liam are the most important two people in my life, don't get me wrong.  With that said, keeping a demanding job at my accounting firm and continuing to slowly progress toward making partner, essentially being a single dad half the week, try to maintain some level of friendships with people as well as other interests, and then trying to focus on my health and strength - it's a lot.  I try to cram a lot of things into every day and frankly I am only successful at most of them, most of the time - but that leaves plenty of times where I am not successful at what I am trying to accomplish.  I realized that the lack of sleep, combined with work travel and a new client, which has been stressful even though I know I am doing a very good job of managing it, still stressful, a bunch of late nights out with friends including during the middle of work weeks, and then adding a couple of things to training - extra heavy farmer carries, during a week when already double pressing, snatching, and pressing, and playing softball - WAS STUPID OF ME.  I should have seen this one coming.  Life really has a way of shaking you up right when you are least expecting it.  My training was absolutely on fire, consistent gains, body composition really improving, strength improving - but it was being set on a foundation and base that was not as resilient as I can be.  That word, resiliency, really means something to me, maybe taking that to another level, "anti fragile" is even better, like Nicolas Tasseb's book.  The goal should be to try and construct a personal identify and personal way of living that is, in a word, anti fragile.  I do a lot of great things that are consistent with that objective, but then I am not perfect and I fail on a number of levels, undermining my good efforts.  Probably one of the greatest gifts to come out of the separation is the self awareness I was able to start cultivating through therapy, and which I continue to try and hone every day in different ways.  I have realized I got away a bit from self awareness of the impact of some of these things I have mentioned and how it has really led to this current situation where my body has basically said - "enough already, if you are not going to stop what you are doing, I will stop it for you." So - this is not about picking up a softball for the first time in a year and that leading to getting hurt.  That is way too simple, and if I stopped at that I would completely miss out on the learning opportunities I have in front of me right now to try and sort out some of my issues and start working on being anti fragile beyond lifting heavy kettlebells only. That is where my sole focus has been, and I need to think beyond that and realize that the KB work is simply one part of the puzzle and actually is the reward for doing other things very well that set a foundation for success in training.  So I start tonight - early to bed, a restful sleep, let the body do what it does and heal itself.  I hope some of this self realization will also help me turn a corner mentally and physically as well.

6/3/14 Tuesday June 3, 2014 (100 2H SW 24kg)

6:45am - Original Strength and Primal Move - 30 minutes

7:15 am - Kettlebell warm up

1/2K halos - 8kg, 4X each side / each leg (total 16X)
1/2K halos - 12kg, 4X each side / each leg (total 16X)

16kg Roll to press (TGU start) - shoulder cam shafts, each arm
Arm bar 12 kg, 1+1

Break

8:45am -

Arm bar 12 kg, 4+4
24kg GSq, 5
24kg 2H SW, 10 x 10 (100 reps)
24kg GSq, 5

9:00am - Complete

Notes -  Baby steps I suppose.  Yesterday afternoon's body work session was very good, a lot of shit was coming out of the body that is for sure.  Neck is sore, just a lot of stuff coming out of the woodwork here, probably an accmulation of months of hard training, traveling, working, life etc.  So I slept just a tad bit better last night, and felt just a tad bit better this morning but unfortunately I am far from out of the woods.  I felt like trying some light 2H SW just to see how they felt, and a few goblet squats thrown in.  Not bad.  Definitely not good either, but not bad.  It's going to be baby steps this week clearly.  I have a deep body massage this afternoon, will probably hurt like a bitch but also completely needed.