6/15/14 Sunday June 15, 2014 (long walk)

Well, pretty good weekend.  Getting just a little bit better each day, very slow progress but it's progress.  Spent all day with the kids yesterday, had a great day.  Noticed I could move around a little bit better in the pool at their swimming lessons than a week ago, so that is how I am measuring progress - can I do something a little bit easier, a little less pain free, than the day / week before?  Because if I measure against the "normal" me I am going to get nowhere mentally.  This is a slow process but I am working through it.  Today is Father's Day, woke up with the kids, had a nice breakfast, took them to church as is our custom, and ran into my brother in law, who is married to Jill's sister, and their little boy who is being baptized next weekend.  I am one of the godfathers.  That was a nice surprise.  I had the afternoon to myself so I worked on the lacrosse ball, again trying to work on some of those trigger points in the scapula, teres minor and major, delt, etc. on on the R side.  Then I took a brisk walk around Greenlake, about 3 1/2 miles, got that done in 60 minutes, and then an Epson Salt bath.  Very ironically I am working yesterday evening and now today on the financial aspects of our mediation / divorce, got the community property analysis done and now am working on the budget that will tell me how much I can afford to pay Jill for the next several years.  Pretty brutal to write that but it is what it is.  I would say it really hurts to do this on Father's Day but honestly, I have to do this, this is for me, and for the kids too - I have to get through this and move on with my life.  I know how much I have invested into my kids and what kind of relationship we have, and I am proud of what I have accomplished.  Not to say I won't keep striving to be a better dad, because you can always be better. But today, above all of my previous Father's Day, I feel good about where and how things have gone with the kids for the last year.  So - I am going to give myself a small pat on the back, and then get back to the sordid business at hand of figuring this financial stuff out so I can move forward and remove the black cloud that has been hanging over me for months and months.